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By Robert Bly
To stay ahead, you need aggressive people--willing to take chances. People who are confident, flexible, dedicated. People who want to
learn--who are not afraid to ask questions.
I am one of those people--one of the people you should have on your staff. Let me prove it. Start by reading my resume. It shows I can take any challenge and succeed.
What better way to hold someone's interest than to promise to solve his problems for
A principal rule of persuasive writing is: Remember that the reader isn't interested in you. The reader is interested in the reader. And because we want to hear about ourselves, the following letter particularly effective in gaining and holding my interest:
As you may already know, we have been doing some work for people who have the same last name as you do. Finally, after months of work, new book, THE AMAZING STORY OF THE BLYS IN AMERICA, is ready for printing and you are in it!
The Bly name is very rare and our research has shown that less than two one-thousandths of one percent of the people in America share the Bly name....
DESIRE. Get attention. Hook the reader's interest. Then create the desire to buy what you're selling.
This is the step where many businesspeople falter. Their corporate backgrounds condition them to write business letters in "corpora-tese," so they fill paragraphs with pompous phrases, jargon, cliches, and windy sentences. Here's a real life example from a major investment firm:
All of the bonds in the above-described account having been heretofore disposed of, we are this day terminating same. We accordingly enclose herein a check in the amount of $22,000, same being your share realized therein, as per statement attached. the distribution to you of the described amount, you shall liable for your proportionate share....
Don't write to impress--write to express. State the facts, the features, the benefits of your offer in plain, simple English. Give the reader reasons why he or she should buy your product, give you the job, sign the contract, or approve the budget. Create a desire for what you're offering. Here's how the manager in charge of manufac-turing persuaded the president to sign a purchase order for a $20,000 machine.
I've enclosed a copy of my report, which includes an executive
As you can see, even at the low levels of production we've experienced recently, the T-1000 Automatic Wire-Wrap Machine can cut production time by 15 percent. At this rate, the machine will pay for itself within 14 months--including its purchase price plus the cost of training operators.
We've already discussed the employees' resistance to automation in the plant. As you know, we've held discussion groups on this subject over the past three months. And, an informal survey shows that 80 percent of our technicians dislike manual wire-wrap and would
welcome automation in that area.
Benefits are spelled out. Anxieties are eliminated. The reader is given the reasons why the company should buy a T-1000. (And the president signed the order.)
ACTION. If you've carried AIDA this far, you've gained attention,
created interest, and turned that interest into desire. The reader
wants what you're selling, or at least has been persuaded to see
your point of view. Now comes the last step--asking for action.
If you're selling consulting services, ask for a contract. If you
want an interview, ask for it. If you're writing a fund-raising
letter, include a reply envelope and ask for a donation. In short,
if you want your letter to get results, you have to ask for them.
Here's a letter from a customer who purchased a defective can of
spray paint. Instead of just complaining or venting anger, she
explains the problem and asks for a response:
Recently, I purchased a can of your Permaspray spray paint. But
when I tried using it, the nozzle broke off. I cannot reattach this
nozzle, and the can, though full, will have to be thrown away.
I am sure your product is generally well-packaged; my can was prob-
ably a one-in-a-million defect. Would you please send a replacement
can of white Permaspray? I would greatly appreciate it.
An exchange of business letters is usually an action-reaction sit-
uation. To move things along, determine the action you want your
letter to generate and tell the reader about it.
Formulas have their limitations, and you can't force-fit every let-
ter or memo into the AIDA framework. Short interoffice memos, for
example, seldom require this degree of persuasiveness. But when
you're faced with more sophisticated writing tasks--a memo to moti-
vate the sales force, a mailer to bring in orders, a letter to
collect bad debts--AIDA can help. Get attention. Hook the reader's
interest. Create a desire. Ask for action. And your letters will
get better results.
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This resource is (c) by, and compliments of Robert W. Bly,
President of the Center for Technical Communication.
Bob specializes in business-to-business and direct response advertising.
Contact him at (201) 385-1220, fax (201) 385-1138 or in writing to
22 East Quackenbush Avenue, 3rd Floor, Dumont, NJ 07628
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